Month: November 2015

Prepare Yourself for the Highs and Lows of Something New

~ pentraveler ~ 2 Comments

Something big and new is starting and I am excited, and nervous, and all butterfly-stomach and obsessive. This endorphin rush is the BEST and I want it to last forever and ever.

I’ve felt this thrill every time I’ve moved to a new place or started a new job. Every new person is the smartest, most amazing individual, and every new street is exciting and full of wonder – and look! Over there is a sparkly unicorn shitting a rainbow that ends in a pot of gold-shaped hearts!

[I will happily draw that image if anyone requests it.]

But then, usually around the one-month mark, all the rosy wonderful new things dim a bit, and I miss my old room/friends/routine/job, and I can’t find the unicorn anymore.

I just really want a grilled cheese with a pickle on it, and my own super comfy pillow, and this new place doesn’t have pickles or my pillow. Or I want my old officemates back, who had their issues, sure, but at least it wasn’t this issue, which I really can’t stand.

Grilled-Cheese-Pickle
if you’ve never tried a grilled cheese with pickles, stop reading and go eat one right now…. welcome back. and, you’re welcome.

In living abroad, this phenomenon of a high honeymoon stage followed by a steep crash to a crisis point is called the U Curve of Cultural Adjustment (according to some old men named Lysgaard and Oberg, among others).

U curve of adjustment
the U Curve of Adjustment with my highly accurate depiction of complex emotion via emoticon.

I’m pretty convinced this experience is applicable to more than just moving abroad. Think about it – everything from a new house (beautiful bungalow –> the roof needs repair) to a new city (every street is amazing –> every street is dirty) to a new career (best job ever –> nothing here is functional) requires a similar emotional adjustment process.

As much as I’d like going after my new goal to be rosy and wonderful for the full year I’m pursuing it, I don’t think I can make that honeymoon phase last longer.

But I do think some preparation can make that crisis trough a lot shallower and the recovery a lot speedier.

So here is my recipe for pre-new-thing preparedness:

Know that you WILL hit bottom.

That’s right, just acknowledge that rock bottom is going to happen. You can’t avoid it.

Recognize that this whole experience is helping you grow into a more authentic you. It will hurt at times, it will definitely be hard, and it will put you through the wringer.

When you hit bottom, greet that low point with the wisdom of expecting its arrival, and a Warrior 2 stance.

Yoga_WarriorII_02_300x350
bring it, crisis. i can warrior 2 all day. or for 5 minutes while sobbing.

Get enough sleep.

Studies routinely show we need somewhere around 7-8 hours of sleep as adults. When we get less than that, we start making poor decisions and our focus is compromised.

Meeting your goal is a marathon. You need to be in top shape and not make a sleep-deprived decision to give up when you hit bottom.

Make sure you are making decisions with a clear mind. If you’re having trouble sleeping, ask your friends or family for advice. Or try one of my tried-and-true remedies in the picture below.

things to help you fall asleep
things that help you fall asleep.

Go look at something beautiful.

When you hit bottom, you will need something comforting and completely separate from what you are pursuing. Keep your eye out for this beautiful thing while you are in the honeymoon phase – maybe it’s a sun-filled spot outside your new house, or the tall pine in the town’s park where you feel at peace.

Then when the bottom arrives, head to your beautiful thing as often as you need it. Spend 15 minutes just looking at this beautiful thing, leaving your goal aside.

When you’re ready, head back in, feeling a little bit stronger.

happy spot
i find a hundred beautiful things in this spot.

Make an adjustment.

Do you need to move closer into the city, so after you work on your goal all day, you can visit friends instead of commute for an hour? Admit to yourself what’s not working, and fix it.

In looking at my plans, I know where I can be flexible in my budget and timeline, so if I need to adjust, I’ll be ready to do so.

halfway between home and gym adjustment
probably you just need to be nearer the ice cream shop.

Immerse yourself in at least one fun, social thing twice per week.

I believe satisfaction in life is directly correlated to the friends you have, so nurturing friendships and creating a support group while you pursue your goal should be a top priority. Call your friends to do something you love – biking, hiking, a glass of wine.

Especially when you hit bottom, don’t hide yourself away. Go out with your new or old friends. Call family. You are not alone in your crisis, so lean on your support group.

Be extra conscious of your negative traits.

When you hit the bottom of your adjustment curve, you’ll be in a bad mood, and your negative traits may be amplified.

Being conscious of your negative traits can help you separate out what’s a momentary reaction to hitting the bottom vs. something you actually need to address.

For example, maybe you are an impatient person. So when you hit bottom and you’re in a bad mood, you obsess about how you’re entirely behind on your goal and you’re all snappy and unpleasant to be around.

Fortify yourself against this known upcoming reaction by:

1) finding a gym to work out and pump in positive endorphins;

2) keeping a big calendar of by-the-week plans so you can see you are on track and not behind; and

3) taking an overnight trip somewhere to clear head space.

4) buying your friends drinks to remind them that they still love you, even when you’re snappy.

patience
somehow this quote is supposed to help me be a more patient person.

Write postcards to friends and family.

Especially if you have moved to pursue your goal, writing postcards when you hit bottom is an easy way to reconnect, and give yourself a short boost in mood.

Each part of this will leave you feeling better: Choosing a postcard you know a particular friend will like, spending a moment to write a message just for them, and the satisfaction of dropping it in the mailbox.

Then there’s the extra happy boomerang effect of hearing from that person when they receive your postcard.

postcards
i love writing postcards. and receiving them.

While there’s no amount of preparation that can completely erase the low that follows the initial thrill of starting something new, I just need to remember:

As much as it sucks in the moment, rock bottom is the start of a new upward curve.

Six weeks!

8 Things You Need to Feel Relatively Okay Enough to Quit Your Job

~ pentraveler ~ 1 Comment

If your job isn’t horrible, and you want to quit for hard-to-explain reasons, it’s pretty difficult to get to a level of 100 percent confidence. At its core, quitting means you believe there is something else out there for you – unknown, and as of yet, unseen.

It’s a leap of faith, a need for freedom, a little burning point in your chest that you can’t ignore any longer.

Getting to this point can take years. Or at least a really aggressive six months filled with a painful amount of introspection.

In my experience, you need a few minimum things to be comfortable enough to finally have the “I’m quitting” conversation with the boss.

this is a very accurate depiction of how I quit.
this is a very accurate depiction of how I quit.

1. Find a goal that you feel in your gut.

I’m not quitting just to sit around or go on cruises. That, I believe, is called retirement. Figure out what you want, and give yourself time to get it right. I went through about 15 different iterations of what I wanted over the course of two years before I finally figured out my goal at the bone-deep level.

Once you have the goal, focus on it, like a cat goes after a laser point. Be willing to run up and flip off walls for this thing. Some days will feel like it’s not possible. Stick with it.

start with a clear destination, then use Ways to route your path. unless you are independently wealthy, then you can wander and waste all the gas you want. but please don’t do that because it’s bad for the environment.
start with a clear destination, then use Ways to route your path. unless you are independently wealthy, then you can wander and waste all the gas you want. but please don’t do that because it’s bad for the environment.

2. You definitely need a timeline.

Assuming you don’t have unlimited funds, you need to set a time limit for trying to reach your goal, if you’re quitting your job fully.

I’m deadline-driven, so I’m setting a deadline of one year for seeing if and how I can meet my goal, rather than procrastinate and just travel around and visit 108 temples all over Asia.

Actually, that sounds heavenly.

BUT that will not get me to the point I want at the end of one year, and would just put me back in the position of needing to find a full-time job that treats me mildly okay.

3. You’ll want a budget.

I know, blerg.

BUT! What if we call it a SEXY budget (Halloween just passed, so I’m feeling inspired) and put Ryan Gosling on our budget spreadsheet?! Now this is motivation.

Cut out all the fat in the budget – be super honest about wants vs. needs, figure out the range of housing, food, transport. Be realistic and stay cat-laser-focused on that goal. Total up what you need against your timeline, and add a cushion for just in case this all falls apart.

Then start saving like crazy.

it’s okay, Ryan, I know numbers are hard. let’s do them together, that will make it better.
it’s okay, Ryan, I know numbers are hard. let’s do them together, that will make it better.

4. You’ll probably want a worst-case scenario.

This can function as both a comfort (you won’t live under a bridge, even a nice one) and an incentive to spur you on (you probably don’t really want to live in your friend’s unfinished basement).

So go through this exercise – if at the end of your timeline it doesn’t work out, and you can’t reach your goal, then what happens? You should have that cushion in your budget, so you’ll have a little money. Who can you live with, if you need to, while you apply to jobs in your previous or new field? Can you wait tables or work at a shop?

I’m not saying it’s ideal, but probably your worst-case scenario isn’t so bad. And you’d completely regret not taking this chance. And you’re awesome, so you’re not going to end up in that worst-case scenario anyway.

no way will your worst-case scenario be as bad as this day was for Alexander.
no way will your worst-case scenario be as bad as this day was for Alexander.

5. You’ll definitely need a support group.

As in, your friends, family, and other like-minded people. Whoever is supportive of your goal. Push those nay-sayers to the side for a while — they will not help you with your focus.

Talk to your supporters regularly. Buy them drinks and be liberal with hugs in exchange for support.

6. Lists!

With the amount of planning you’ll need to do to pull this off – if you can do this without a list, please let me know how.

Breaking big, scary things down into steps on a list makes quitting a job manageable. And then you can cross it off when you’re done with it, and doesn’t that feel amazing?! Put your end goal at the top of every list.

Admittedly, I love lists. I usually have a minimum of 4 sticky notes plus random other papers filled with lists on any given day, both at work and home. When I was around 10, I had a list of “places to go and things to do” on my wall. Something in staring at that list every day must have clicked in my brain, because 2+ decades later, I’ve visited and done almost everything on that list.

this is a list of things i love to make lists of.
this is a list of things i like to make lists of.

7. You’ll probably want to know at least one person toward your goal.

Before you quit, make sure you know at least one person in the field you are going into or in company you really want to work for. Probably you spoke to some such people when you were figuring out your goal. If not, now’s the time to find at least one.

I have a friend who really wanted to work in environmental resources for the state of Minnesota, and he went after that job with everything he had. He quit his just-okay job and just worked day and night being connected into the organization and applying to jobs and getting advice on applying to the jobs, until he got the position he wanted.

8. You’ll want a few intangibles too.

Stubbornness and flexibility. Stick to your goal and timeline, even when you’re inevitably told it’s not going to work. Recognize when you’ve got to shift and bend, and when you need to stay firm. Remember there are likely multiple routes to your goal.

A happy place. For the days when things go wrong, have a happy place to go to for a few minutes. This is mine. Or this. Both repeatedly if it’s a really bad day.

And maybe most important of all: Courage. The first step is the hardest. Nothing will stop your stomach from rolling over when you go to your boss and say “I’m quitting.”

But nothing will feel as free as the moment you’re out of the office after that conversation.

Seven weeks!