Quitting your job

8 Things You Need to Feel Relatively Okay Enough to Quit Your Job

~ pentraveler ~ 1 Comment

If your job isn’t horrible, and you want to quit for hard-to-explain reasons, it’s pretty difficult to get to a level of 100 percent confidence. At its core, quitting means you believe there is something else out there for you – unknown, and as of yet, unseen.

It’s a leap of faith, a need for freedom, a little burning point in your chest that you can’t ignore any longer.

Getting to this point can take years. Or at least a really aggressive six months filled with a painful amount of introspection.

In my experience, you need a few minimum things to be comfortable enough to finally have the “I’m quitting” conversation with the boss.

this is a very accurate depiction of how I quit.
this is a very accurate depiction of how I quit.

1. Find a goal that you feel in your gut.

I’m not quitting just to sit around or go on cruises. That, I believe, is called retirement. Figure out what you want, and give yourself time to get it right. I went through about 15 different iterations of what I wanted over the course of two years before I finally figured out my goal at the bone-deep level.

Once you have the goal, focus on it, like a cat goes after a laser point. Be willing to run up and flip off walls for this thing. Some days will feel like it’s not possible. Stick with it.

start with a clear destination, then use Ways to route your path. unless you are independently wealthy, then you can wander and waste all the gas you want. but please don’t do that because it’s bad for the environment.
start with a clear destination, then use Ways to route your path. unless you are independently wealthy, then you can wander and waste all the gas you want. but please don’t do that because it’s bad for the environment.

2. You definitely need a timeline.

Assuming you don’t have unlimited funds, you need to set a time limit for trying to reach your goal, if you’re quitting your job fully.

I’m deadline-driven, so I’m setting a deadline of one year for seeing if and how I can meet my goal, rather than procrastinate and just travel around and visit 108 temples all over Asia.

Actually, that sounds heavenly.

BUT that will not get me to the point I want at the end of one year, and would just put me back in the position of needing to find a full-time job that treats me mildly okay.

3. You’ll want a budget.

I know, blerg.

BUT! What if we call it a SEXY budget (Halloween just passed, so I’m feeling inspired) and put Ryan Gosling on our budget spreadsheet?! Now this is motivation.

Cut out all the fat in the budget – be super honest about wants vs. needs, figure out the range of housing, food, transport. Be realistic and stay cat-laser-focused on that goal. Total up what you need against your timeline, and add a cushion for just in case this all falls apart.

Then start saving like crazy.

it’s okay, Ryan, I know numbers are hard. let’s do them together, that will make it better.
it’s okay, Ryan, I know numbers are hard. let’s do them together, that will make it better.

4. You’ll probably want a worst-case scenario.

This can function as both a comfort (you won’t live under a bridge, even a nice one) and an incentive to spur you on (you probably don’t really want to live in your friend’s unfinished basement).

So go through this exercise – if at the end of your timeline it doesn’t work out, and you can’t reach your goal, then what happens? You should have that cushion in your budget, so you’ll have a little money. Who can you live with, if you need to, while you apply to jobs in your previous or new field? Can you wait tables or work at a shop?

I’m not saying it’s ideal, but probably your worst-case scenario isn’t so bad. And you’d completely regret not taking this chance. And you’re awesome, so you’re not going to end up in that worst-case scenario anyway.

no way will your worst-case scenario be as bad as this day was for Alexander.
no way will your worst-case scenario be as bad as this day was for Alexander.

5. You’ll definitely need a support group.

As in, your friends, family, and other like-minded people. Whoever is supportive of your goal. Push those nay-sayers to the side for a while — they will not help you with your focus.

Talk to your supporters regularly. Buy them drinks and be liberal with hugs in exchange for support.

6. Lists!

With the amount of planning you’ll need to do to pull this off – if you can do this without a list, please let me know how.

Breaking big, scary things down into steps on a list makes quitting a job manageable. And then you can cross it off when you’re done with it, and doesn’t that feel amazing?! Put your end goal at the top of every list.

Admittedly, I love lists. I usually have a minimum of 4 sticky notes plus random other papers filled with lists on any given day, both at work and home. When I was around 10, I had a list of “places to go and things to do” on my wall. Something in staring at that list every day must have clicked in my brain, because 2+ decades later, I’ve visited and done almost everything on that list.

this is a list of things i love to make lists of.
this is a list of things i like to make lists of.

7. You’ll probably want to know at least one person toward your goal.

Before you quit, make sure you know at least one person in the field you are going into or in company you really want to work for. Probably you spoke to some such people when you were figuring out your goal. If not, now’s the time to find at least one.

I have a friend who really wanted to work in environmental resources for the state of Minnesota, and he went after that job with everything he had. He quit his just-okay job and just worked day and night being connected into the organization and applying to jobs and getting advice on applying to the jobs, until he got the position he wanted.

8. You’ll want a few intangibles too.

Stubbornness and flexibility. Stick to your goal and timeline, even when you’re inevitably told it’s not going to work. Recognize when you’ve got to shift and bend, and when you need to stay firm. Remember there are likely multiple routes to your goal.

A happy place. For the days when things go wrong, have a happy place to go to for a few minutes. This is mine. Or this. Both repeatedly if it’s a really bad day.

And maybe most important of all: Courage. The first step is the hardest. Nothing will stop your stomach from rolling over when you go to your boss and say “I’m quitting.”

But nothing will feel as free as the moment you’re out of the office after that conversation.

Seven weeks!

5 Reasons to Leap – and 10 weeks until I’m quitting my job

~ pentraveler ~ 9 Comments

In 10 weeks, I am quitting my job, leaping out of the career race that is Washington, D.C., and boarding a plane to Chile.

Eek!

Look, this has NOT been an easy decision. I’m in my mid-30s and have been on a fantastic upward trajectory in my career. I believe in Lean In. I spent the last year of my life working 70+ hours per week on a massive priority project, prepping my boss for meetings with the Big Guy, and it’s been incredibly rewarding.  My career is important to me.

But at some point in the last six months, I realized my life has pretty much looked like this for several years now:

toomuchwork_pie chart 2
i worked 110 hours one week. seriously.

Sure, I’d take vacations once in a while. But something wasn’t right.

I couldn’t stop thinking about certain pieces of advice I’d heard from mentors and articles the last year.

  1. Unwitting Mentor: What do you love so much, you could do it every day, without stop, forever?

Everyone has something like this, but so many of us have lost it. It’s usually something you did non-stop when you were little. Maybe it’s being outside in the sun (and now you’re in a windowless cube), or sketching, or playing a sport, or reading or baking. You know what it is. That thing that every time you do it, you disappear into the zone, hours pass, and you are at peace.

This advice came from Elizabeth Theranos, who I think is one of the most amazing and talented women alive today. She worked nonstop on her invention for years on end. She loved it so much, there was nothing else she could do but this. (Of course, she eventually got to her goal and now is a gabillionaire, but money isn’t the point here.)

Probably most of us aren’t built like that – I know I’m not – but there are things I love so much that I would like to do every day, and I’ve lost over the years. Like writing for pleasure, and not for work.

Here is a cover and a page from a “book” I wrote at 8:

my writing has improved thankfully since i was 8

pentraveler_book_3

2. Fully Aware Mentor: What stories do you want to tell from your rocking chair?

How you won that big account of a paper company and your grandchildren don’t even know what paper is now because it was obsolete by 2030? Or how you wrote a billion papers that were used for a total of 10 seconds in some meeting once?

Or do you want to talk about the time that you ran from a bear, you almost drowned learning to dive, or that person you loved but just wasn’t right for you? That you explored the world and made huge mistakes, but you don’t regret any of them?

I don’t know if I want to have grandchildren of my own, so I’m not entirely sure who will listen to my stories, but I definitely want to be talking Big Adventure. Big (more, already made plenty) Mistakes.

  1. Random Online Quote Mentor: Make new mistakes. Do what scares you.

Making mistakes is scary. I don’t think you can be human and not fear making mistakes and being judged for them.

This is probably a healthy emotion to a degree, but you have to know at what point it stops being a positive – don’t-go-down-that-dark-alley-alone-it’s-dangerous – and turns into a negative – don’t-try-purusing-that-thing-you-love-because-it’s-new-and-different.

Letting fear hold you back leads to only one thing, as far as I can tell – regret. Whether it’s starting something new or leaving something, it’s the first step that is the most terrifying.

In fairness, I’ve quit a job previously and gone to travel. It was one of the best six months of my life.

nortern peru valley penwriter

But to do it now, when my career is going so well, when everything and everyone around me is telling me to settle down, buy a house, have a family, keep that steady job and keep advancing it?

Very scary.

  1. My Mentor (and Unwitting Love) Mark Manson: Just don’t give a fuck.

I need to be honest with myself: I don’t want to be judged.

It’s kept me from making decisions before in my life. I do care what people think. And not just my family and friends, but random people I’ve never met who might theoretically learn something about me and think it’s stupid. Yea, I’m that scared of judgment.

Unfortunately, you can’t avoid it. People are going to judge you. Whenever you do something out of the norm, you’ll hear or see a reaction.

Which is why I love Mark Manson, who writes that learning the difference between when we should and should not give a fuck is essential to being comfortable and honest with yourself and others. It’s tricky. But worth it.

Unfortunately, Mark is not single as far as I can tell, so I will continue to love him from afar and recommend his articles to anyone who will listen. (Especially this one on relationship myths.)

  1. My Closest-Thing-to-a-Life-Coach Mentor: Visualize your two futures.

Fair warning: My friend called this technique “very Portland-y.”

Picture yourself, 10 years from now, having made one decision, on your current trajectory. Build that full picture in your mind – the job you’ve achieved, the office, the car, the family. Or maybe it’s a relationship or a place you live.

Did you feel something good in your body? Maybe you sat up a little higher, or smiled, or relaxed your shoulders? Or did you feel a twist in your stomach, a frown, or a claustrophobic sense of breath?

Now picture the other choice and the future it’s created in as much detail as you can.

How does your body respond to that future?

Your body already knows the answer.

Mine knew. It was time to leap and create a new future from the path I was on.

So I drew a new chart, composed of the kind of stories I want to tell on my rocking chair.

better life pie chart 2

Even now, sitting with my decision made and out in the open, I am scared some of the time. And I feel the weight of judgment some of the time. But after a few minutes of indulging those some of the time, I either call one of my friends who supports me 100% for a pep talk, or I look at the cover of my Chile travel book.

liz lemon i want to go to there chile_book

I am to go to there.

Or I sit and write and two hours have passed and I’m happier than I’ve been in weeks because I’ve been doing something I love.

Because this life has to be about more than just work. Starting a new path will never be easier – a lot of planning and saving, yes – but the timing will never be better.

I can do good, meaningful work, AND have a good life. I am convinced.

So I’m leaping.