Finding Heaven and Home on the North Shore

Sunrise on the North Shore of Lake Superior, Minnesota.

I left Minnesota at 17 and promised I would never, ever live there again. The winters are too cold (-4C/24F as a high should not be a thing). The land is too flat. Everyone thinks Fargo is a part of your state. Tornadoes.

But, oh, Minnesota summers.

Now, that’s another thing altogether. The air is clean and buzzes with cicadas. Oaks and maples and willows rustle in soft breezes and the 10,000 lakes come alive with laughter from beach-goers and bird songs. Fireflies create magic shows at dusk — little bursts of light as you walk through the woods. Thunderstorms rattle your windows and bones and you snuggle in tighter to watch the lightening and wait out the pounding rain.

mn-best-and-worst
Good and bad things about living in Minnesota.

A few weeks ago, my friend and I were looking for a quick ocean getaway location. But with a heat wave hitting everywhere along the East Coast, a radical idea popped into my head and out my mouth: “What if we went to the North Shore?”

The North Shore of what exactly, you ask?

A little slice of heaven on earth, in fact.

Specifically, this slice is along Lake Superior in Minnesota. (Ok, so technically, it’s only heaven on earth for a few months of the year unless you are a polar bear.)

The coastline of Lake Superior, Minnesota
Look! So beautiful! For at least three months every year!

The North Shore stretches from Duluth, Minnesota, through the border with Canada, and arches all the way to Sault Ste. Marie in Ontario. The greatest of the Great Lakes, Lake Superior is the largest freshwater lake in the world by surface area and third largest in volume. It is so big that almost half of Florida would fit inside its shores.

Actually, I am pretty sure it would be okay to lose Florida, so consider that a suggestion.

Technical map of states that could fit into Lake Superior.
Technical map of states that could fit into Lake Superior.

I’ve been back to Minnesota off and on over the years to visit family, but I hadn’t been back to take just relax and explore, so that’s what my friend and I decided to do.

From Minneapolis, we rented a car, skirted Lake Wobegon and a few Paul Bunyan and Babe statues, and arrived three hours later at a recommendation from my sister: New Scenic Café.

Just north of Duluth and across the street from the lake (“It’s big, but I can still see the other side,” my friend said, not yet impressed), New Scenic Café should be a required stop if you are in the area. Armed with a Duluth Bent Paddle beer, we started with honey-glazed figs, followed with an heirloom tomato and truffle oil sandwich and finished with a passionfruit panna cotta.

This was not the Minnesota fare I remembered.

mn-traditional-food
This is the Minnesota fare I remembered.

From there, we hugged the road that hugged the lake, and drove a bit farther to our home for a few days, a wood cabin right on the shore. To celebrate our arrival, we popped open a bottle of wine and parked in lounge chairs beneath a big oak along the water. For breakfast, the lodge offered us wild rice and cranberry pancakes and trout lightly fried with wild rice batter. Oh, and a hot plate of homemade cinnamon rolls for good measure.

Full and happy, my friend was at this point sufficiently impressed with the lake’s size. “Maybe we should swim,” he suggested.

“Maybe you should swim,” I suggested.

Instead, we hiked at Tettegouche State Park and stood in awe at the shoreline and waterfalls. More wild rice dishes for late lunch, local beer, and a bedtime of 6 p.m. Oh, yea, we were partying hard.

High Falls at Tettegouche State Park
50-foot High Falls at Tettegouche State Park is a few miles of easy hiking into the park.

The next day, we biked to Split Rock Lighthouse, which was built after 29 ships were destroyed or damaged in one violent November storm on the lake. Lake Superior has long treated ships like they were silly toys trespassing on her domain — since 1816, 240 ships have been destroyed or damaged in just one area of Lake Superior (affectionately known as the Graveyard of the Great Lakes). Even in recent history, the SS Edmund Fitzgerald sank in 1975 on the lake during a fierce November storm of hurricane-force winds and waves 35 feet high, swallowing the crew of 29.

mn-lighthouse-split-rock
Split Rock Lighthouse on the North Shore of Lake Superior in Minnesota.

On our way back, we found a secret little rocky beach and napped in a hammock, determined to stay up until at least a non-senior citizen hour tonight. For dinner, we switched it up with a Minnesota-style pizza (very flat and not crisp) and local beer and a game of speed cornhole, which I totally won, which makes sense, since being good at cornhole is a requirement if you live in the Midwest at any point in your life.

Our last day, we commandeered a free canoe from the lodge and paddled out on the lake. I was completely calm and chill about the fact that I could see clearly 35 feet down in the water, a brown film covering the rocky bottom. It didn’t bother me at all that if I fell into the water I would be freezing in its average depths of 483 feet and most assuredly immediately gobbled up by a giant fish, who could see me easily through this clear water and was obviously trailing our canoe already just waiting for that to happen.

Nope, I was totally cool and collected.

Canoeing Lake Superior
I believe that is the tip of a lake shark along the rocks in the middle of the photo. It’s a real thing. Just ask any Minnesotan.

We (okay, fine, mostly my friend) paddled until we found a little river coming out from the mainland, and turned in, sure we were going to hit Gooseberry Falls, the most visited state park in Minnesota. Yellow flowers reflected in the still river, a murky brick red after the clear lake.

After a few turns, the sound of the waterfall louder and louder, we hit water too shallow to continue, so beached and walked up.

Gooseberry Falls MN
The official story is that we paddled over the Gooseberry Falls.

Returning back home to the city where I live now was harder than I expected, with its traffic and rush and what-do-you-do and who-do-you-knows.

“What if I just live on the North Shore?” I asked my friend.

“You’d starve in winter,” he said.

“But I’d totally have a greenhouse,” I said.

“Well, then maybe you’d be okay. But awfully cold.”

Now I’m beginning to wonder: Is it possible that that little Minnesota star has just been in hibernation inside me all these years? Flannel shirts and ice skating and snow angels and summers with fireflies and thunderstorms—I feel a longing tight in my chest. Maybe these do still feel like home, even after all the amazing places I’ve lived and traveled in the last 15 years.

Maybe they’ve always been home, even when I’ve sworn they weren’t.

It’s as if someone with a lutefisk is gently slapping my cheek, in a Minnesota-nice kind of way: Never say never. You betcha you’ll come back.

sunrise
Sunrise on the North Shore of Lake Superior, Minnesota.

When your path diverges: 6 steps to making a decision

So you’re walking along your chosen path and everything is going well. The sun is out, a little warm breeze tickles your skin, and you turn the corner and BAM — in front of you is a completely unexpected choice. To move forward, you must choose.

I’m not talking about the “what should I do tonight” or “what do I wear today” or “should I go to this party” decisions.

I am talking about the major forks in life — “do I quit this job” or “do I stay with this relationship” or “do I move somewhere new” — in which you want to make a decision confidently, after thinking about it.

Decision: de·ci·sion \di-ˈsi-zhən\

1) a choice that you make about something after thinking about it : the result of deciding

2) the ability to make choices quickly and confidently

The hard thing about any major decision is that you will lose something big (and known) just as you gain something big (that’s a little or entirely unknown). You may have to say goodbye to people you love or to a job that gives you a big salary but little satisfaction.

This knowledge of potential losses is exactly why it’s easy to feel paralyzed and stuck and unable to make the decision. It’s a fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of loss. Fear of the unknown.

But, Dear Reader, I suggest that we make the second half of 2016 the (Half) Year of No Fear. So, suit up in your superwoman/man spandex, and let’s go make this decision.

superwoman 2
If you wear this spandex as you make your decision, you will probably make it faster than you ever imagined.

First, make sure it’s an actual decision.

We have too many stressors in everyday life; let’s reserve time and energy for actual decisions that have real consequences. Don’t waste your mental energy on things that just need to get done but have no actual forks. Example A: Applying to job is barely a decision. You are likely to be one of many, many applicants in today’s market. Sure, it’s worth discussing with your partner if it is in another city, but it’s not worth sweating over at this point. Whether to accept a job you’ve been offered is an actual decision.

Make sure you know the difference and spend your energy accordingly: Will taking action A have a direct (no further “if, then” involved!) impact on me beyond time tomorrow or next week? Will taking action A have a direct impact on someone I love tomorrow or next week? Yes to either = actual decision.

confused
I’m begging you: don’t obsess over non-decisions!

Next, do something you’re scared of.

Sometimes we need a little boost of confidence to get past the decision-making-induced fear. Do something you’re scared of and you’ll remember, “oh, yea, I can do scary things!”

Just think of something you are scared of: snakes, spiders, water, Ronald McDonald. And the next time you see one of those things, give it a hug or stand still without screaming and inch closer or dip your big toe in. And look! You’ve survived. (If you did not give the snake a hug. I do not recommend that.)

jump fear
I am terrified of snakes and not-clear water. On a recent canoe trip, our armada came upon a platform with a rope swing. Then a water snake cruised by. I rolled my shoulders, held my breath, and jumped anyway. I shouted “GO AWAY SNAKES!” my whole swim back to shore. Then I did it again. 

Make sure to look at your decision process as a journey.

Especially if your decision is going to take awhile (which is okay!), settle in and take care of yourself. Along the way to your decision, things might get messy (as in, tears, drinks, more tears, more drinks), so make sure you’re ready to weather that walk.

Exercise often to get a boost of endorphins that give confidence and clear your mind. Get enough sleep. Eat well. Feel all the elated/sad/confused feelings that come up along the way, and recognize them as normal and okay. It’s okay for this journey to be messy. No one is asking for it to be pretty. It just needs to get done.

paths diverge
Your decision is a journey and eventually you’ll get to the point where the path splits and you’ve got to make a decision. Pack up everything you need for the hike to get there.

Ask for advice from friends/colleagues/loved ones.

You don’t have to take their advice, but chances are good they will give you empathy and love and support, which is exactly what you need to make big decisions.

Bonus: They might point out something you didn’t think of. For example, if you do leave your job and go get expanded experience elsewhere, a friend can point out that job could want you back later for a higher salary/position. Did you think of that?

grumpy
i made a meme contribution! so exciting!

Then consider putting a timeframe on making the decision.

If it’s a decision without a timeline attached, ask yourself how long it would feel okay to live in the limbo where you are now. Give yourself time to make a well-considered decision, but not so much time that you wallow and spin.

deadline
Find yourself an amazing alarm clock if need be. This one I found (ok, it’s a clock tower, not an alarm) is in Chiang Rai, Thailand.

Finally, play out the two options in your mind.

See if you can live with each option for a full day, as if you have already chosen one path. How do each of the decisions feel in your body when you hold onto them, as if you have decided? I can nearly guarantee that one of them will cause you to stand up straighter and feel a little lighter. That’s a pretty darn good indication of a path forward that you will feel good about later, even if it’s hard.

And if all else fails, play this song over and over, singing with a fake mic, until you come to a decision via confidence or going crazy. Definitely do the fist pump thing:

Once you’ve made your decision (with or without Kelly Clarkson’s help), you will probably feel all bubbly and relieved—a huge weight has rolled off your shoulders and you can skip down the streets once more.

At this point:

  • Be graceful, especially if your decision means moving away or leaving someone behind. Be your absolute best self every day during this transition. Don’t say a single hurtful word.
  • Accept the negative consequences of the decision you made. A whole other future was likely lost. It’s okay to be sad about this. Be sad. Feel the feelings.
  • Own your decision. You made it, no one else. Now give what you chose all you’ve got.

Recently, I’ve made a lot of big decisions (over months and definitely with tears and wine): job life, love life, and location life. None have been easy but I got through the messy path and arrived at decisions. So here I am, back in the States, with a great job, and starting over in the other department.

I made it. You can, too.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken, 1920

Reflection without absorption and letting go with love and tenderness

Somehow, I made it. It’s Week Zero. I step on that plane tomorrow.

I might cry with relief.

December crawled by at a turtle’s pace. I went through my what-should-I-do loop about 20 times a day. I stressed about what I was doing, about what I wasn’t doing, about what I was sure I was forgetting to do.

stress ball
i was basically a living stress ball in december.

So I desperately need Chile. I need to feel the sun on my skin and breathe sweet, clean non-big-city air, and see bright stars that make me go “wow.”

I’m hoping by Day 3 that the stress loops finally loosen, unravel, and just drop off the back of my bicycle on some mountain trail.

In my one earnest attempt at de-stressing this week, I headed to a year-end Yoga Nidra class last night (yes, I know it’s very Portland-y, and no, I don’t care! It’s heavenly and please try it!).

At the start of the candlelit practice, the instructor gave us all a few moments to reflect on 2015.

Reflect: /rəˈflekt/:

1) (Of a surface or body) throw back (heat, light, or sound) without absorbing it.

2) Think deeply or carefully about.

The lovely thing about definition No. 1 is the space it provides. It’s an examination at a distance, not a re-engagement with either best or worst moments. Just watching and noticing — without letting any of those moments bowl you over like they did the first time around, hence making it onto your year’s best and worst list.

Next, the yoga instructor encouraged us to imagine what we would leave behind in 2015, and this thought bloomed within me.

It’s not the usual “what’s your new year’s resolution” with all the baggage and expectation, but a soft, kind question to yourself:

What few things would you like to place on a little wooden sailboat on the edge of a lake, and gently push off into the sunset?

Put these items on the boat, and say goodbye with all the tenderness the moments deserve.

Now you can move on to 2016, a little bit lighter, with space for something new.

create space
imagine freeing up all this space inside of you. minus the ostrich.

My boat has three hefty pieces, each comprised of many moments from 2015 to which I’m ready to leave behind:

Unhealthy living. I started this year with no life other than work. I didn’t eat healthily. I didn’t exercise. I felt fragile – and I can’t honestly think of a thing I hate feeling more than that.

So, I’m leaving Unhealthy Living forever in 2015. I’m not saying I won’t have slip-ups and live not-so-great once in a while, but not consistently, not as a way of life again.

unhealthy jabba
i was basically as unhealthy as jabba but with none of the sidekicks to keep my company in the first half of 2015.

Silence. I can count too many times from earlier this year when I wanted to say something, but didn’t in a sticky situation. I thought I wasn’t the expert, or I was younger than everyone, or I was the only woman in the room, or I would be judged. All fear-based, mostly gender-taught.

But when I decided that I was willing and ready to leave my job for something different, a wonderful thing happened — I was suddenly free! I could say whatever I felt, whenever it felt right (in a respectful way, of course)! And I did!

All those fears didn’t matter anymore – I wouldn’t be working with these colleagues in a few months, I had nothing to lose. So why not call out a colleague who is saying inappropriate things?

it was kinda like the monty pyton god said to me: i’m giving you a task to keep you busy. your purpose is to go forth and say stuff.

This opening within myself kept getting better and better. I realized no one judged me, and in fact, they wanted me to say what I wanted to say (well, sometimes). By the end of the year, colleagues even said this is what they admired about me – that I spoke up and challenged people when needed, respectfully and with persistence.

So I am leaving Silence in Sticky Situations forever in 2015. You do not serve me, you serve only Fear, and that is not who I am.

Perfection. Mostly, I just can’t strive for this anymore. My nearly life-long obsession with perfection – I was a newspaper copy editor, for goodness sakes, which is just about a perfectionist’s dream job to look for tiny errors and get paid for it – has just become too exhausting. Like a box I created for myself, but I’ve grown and the box hasn’t.

I’m done.

Perfect IS the enemy of the done. And sometimes, I just want to be done.

So, I’m leaving Perfection forever in 2015. You served me well many times. I bid you a fond farewell, and best of luck in finding a new copy editor in 2016.

perfection in book form
i literally slept with this under my pillow in college. seriously.

Now with all of this beautiful space, this empty shore and wide-open lake, I am welcoming a few things with open arms. In fact, it’s more like I’m running at them in a crazy happy tackle:

Saying YES. Research shows we regret what we DON’T do much more than anything we do try. So I’m saying YES every chance I get.

Finding balance. I’m changing my life to put work on equal footing with relationships and the other things that nourish me. One of which is…

Creating things. Starting to write again, here on this site, has been one of my many great joys of 2015. Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Big Magic that there are little jewels of creativity in all of us, just waiting to be found. It doesn’t matter if absolutely no one likes or reads what you create. You create something because you can’t not create – and that’s what writing is for me. It’s who I am. I love the electricity it lights inside my skin, the warmth it sends from my toes to my fingertips.

create
what lights a brilliant explosion of creation in you?

What are you gently leaving in 2015 and welcoming at a run in 2016?