Traveling with wrong and light on the Amalfi Coast

Amalfi view at sunset

As the sun sinks lower over the steep mountainside 3km up from the town of Amalfi, Italy, I shift my backpack forward, and a bubble of laughter escapes my lips. My friend and I just finished descending 300 steep steps to the hotel where we’d booked a room for the night, only to find it definitely, fully shut down. Now we have 300 steps back up to the roadside—and the nearly empty road—with our bags and no working phones.

“CIAO!” I yell, laughing fully this time.

Absolutely everything about this day has not gone according to plan—which has made it my favorite day so far on this two-week Italian trip.

Pastries in Sicily
Another cannolo? Why, yes, grazie! We were probably a combined 30 pounds heavier post-Sicily portion of the trip.

Lost and delayed

First, there was the Catania, Sicily, airport, where we couldn’t figure out how to leave our rental car. No attendants, no instructions. Just our flight time approaching rapidly. And again, no phone. (Note to self for next trip: Pay the extra $10 to turn on international service!)

Thankfully, a kind stranger passed by and pointed to a box where we should drop the car key, about five feet from where we stood. (He was also kind enough to not roll his eyes, raise an eyebrow, or make other totally warranted comments about dumb tourists.) We dropped the key, and then wandered the perimeter of the walled and wired parking lot, unable to locate the exit. Just as we were starting to ration out the remainder of the cannoli—it had been at least 12 hours since the last—a freezing blast of wind hurried us along.

Oh, did I mention it was below 32F? Ever since we’d visited Erice, a castle on the top of a mountain, we’d had fierce wind and cold—very un-Sicily like weather.

By the time our plane landed in Naples, we were a few hours behind schedule. The tourist information booth advised on a bus to Salerno, from where we would take another bus to Amalfi. But by the time the bus was 30 minutes late, we caught a horn-obsessed taxi to the Naples train station. Cars and people packed into chaotic, lively streets, and we were most certainly no longer in laid-back Sicily.

Delayed and freezing

We disembarked the train in Salerno and I couldn’t stop laughing—because not only was it sunny, it was somehow snowing, too. In southern Italy, where the averages are usually 45-55F in January.

As the wet, windy snow smacked us across the face, I asked a fruit vendor when and where the bus to Amalfi departed.

“No, no,” he said. “It’s not running today because of the snow.”

Va bene,” I said. “All right.” Except it was definitely not.

Freezing and kinda screwed

We ducked into a café and I had my third espresso for the day. While divine inspiration continued to elude me, we loitered outside the café.

Three burly, bearded men approached us at the corner, cigarettes hanging from their lips.

“Are you lost?” the burliest one asked, in perfect English.

I smiled widely and sent up a “grazie!” because here was divine intervention in the flesh—the travel angel.

If you’ve traveled extensively, you know what I’m talking about—a stranger who helps you find your bus, or hotel, or a secret spot to eat with no motivation other than helping a foreigner who is clearly hopelessly lost and clueless.

Now just delayed again 

Over the next ten minutes, the trio found where we could buy tickets, when the next bus would arrive (not canceled after all!), and directed us to the exact bus spot, finding us again even after we thought (wrongly) we were on the right path.

The bus ride to Amalfi unwound like a dream—switchbacks tucked in tight U-shapes into the cliffside, the ocean a sheer drop to the left. The sun haloed clouds and outlined castles on outcrops. I overused “Wow.”

Amalfi coast views
Awe-inspiring and carsick-inducing views await along the Amalfi Coast road in Italy.

From the town of Amalfi, we caught a bus to our hotel-keeper meet-up point on a road 3km up the mountainside from the town. While no one was waiting as promised, we saw the sign for our hotel and remembered the 300-steps-down description. So down we went through the lemon and orange tree groves, tucked into narrow winding terraces.

Stairs in Amalfi
If anyone tries to tell you 300 steps aren’t that much, they are using an alternative fact.

Which is what we’re walking back up now. And why even though it’s getting dark and there seems to be absolutely no one else on this mountainside and we still have 200-some steps to go back up, the scenery is so lovely that I really don’t mind at all.

“CIAO!” I yell again, figuring if we can find a person with a phone, we can at least call the hotel keeper.

“HELLO!” I switch to English in the completely unrealistic chance anyone who is listening doesn’t realize I am not actually Italian and do, in fact, need assistance.

Unhelped but also fine minus a little huffing and puffing, we arrive back at the top of the stairs and start walking back down the road as the sun sets.

Amalfi view at sunset
Beautiful views make everything better, even after 600 steps up and down from an abandoned hotel.

Just as I’m ready to flag down a passing car, we spot a roadside market and ask to use their phone to call the hotel number. A man answers, and we work out a deal with him after explanations pass on both sides. He takes us back into Amalfi, from where we catch the 8th transport of the day to Praiano, just 6.3 miles west on the peninsula.

We hop off the bus and thankfully our hotel for the next night is open and has space, so we settle in. The hotel owner points us to the two open restaurant options, where I inhale the most amazing spaghetti with cherry tomatoes and red wine on our red-and-white checkered tablecloth, set across the room from a wood-burning pizza oven.

Outside the window, a stiff wind sways a tall tree’s neon-lit branches, and I find that I can’t stop smiling.

Nearly everything went wrong today, and yet, I’ve never felt so light.

Praiano in January
Lovely Praiano in the early morning January light, quiet and beautiful.

When your path diverges: 6 steps to making a decision

So you’re walking along your chosen path and everything is going well. The sun is out, a little warm breeze tickles your skin, and you turn the corner and BAM — in front of you is a completely unexpected choice. To move forward, you must choose.

I’m not talking about the “what should I do tonight” or “what do I wear today” or “should I go to this party” decisions.

I am talking about the major forks in life — “do I quit this job” or “do I stay with this relationship” or “do I move somewhere new” — in which you want to make a decision confidently, after thinking about it.

Decision: de·ci·sion \di-ˈsi-zhən\

1) a choice that you make about something after thinking about it : the result of deciding

2) the ability to make choices quickly and confidently

The hard thing about any major decision is that you will lose something big (and known) just as you gain something big (that’s a little or entirely unknown). You may have to say goodbye to people you love or to a job that gives you a big salary but little satisfaction.

This knowledge of potential losses is exactly why it’s easy to feel paralyzed and stuck and unable to make the decision. It’s a fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of loss. Fear of the unknown.

But, Dear Reader, I suggest that we make the second half of 2016 the (Half) Year of No Fear. So, suit up in your superwoman/man spandex, and let’s go make this decision.

superwoman 2
If you wear this spandex as you make your decision, you will probably make it faster than you ever imagined.

First, make sure it’s an actual decision.

We have too many stressors in everyday life; let’s reserve time and energy for actual decisions that have real consequences. Don’t waste your mental energy on things that just need to get done but have no actual forks. Example A: Applying to job is barely a decision. You are likely to be one of many, many applicants in today’s market. Sure, it’s worth discussing with your partner if it is in another city, but it’s not worth sweating over at this point. Whether to accept a job you’ve been offered is an actual decision.

Make sure you know the difference and spend your energy accordingly: Will taking action A have a direct (no further “if, then” involved!) impact on me beyond time tomorrow or next week? Will taking action A have a direct impact on someone I love tomorrow or next week? Yes to either = actual decision.

confused
I’m begging you: don’t obsess over non-decisions!

Next, do something you’re scared of.

Sometimes we need a little boost of confidence to get past the decision-making-induced fear. Do something you’re scared of and you’ll remember, “oh, yea, I can do scary things!”

Just think of something you are scared of: snakes, spiders, water, Ronald McDonald. And the next time you see one of those things, give it a hug or stand still without screaming and inch closer or dip your big toe in. And look! You’ve survived. (If you did not give the snake a hug. I do not recommend that.)

jump fear
I am terrified of snakes and not-clear water. On a recent canoe trip, our armada came upon a platform with a rope swing. Then a water snake cruised by. I rolled my shoulders, held my breath, and jumped anyway. I shouted “GO AWAY SNAKES!” my whole swim back to shore. Then I did it again. 

Make sure to look at your decision process as a journey.

Especially if your decision is going to take awhile (which is okay!), settle in and take care of yourself. Along the way to your decision, things might get messy (as in, tears, drinks, more tears, more drinks), so make sure you’re ready to weather that walk.

Exercise often to get a boost of endorphins that give confidence and clear your mind. Get enough sleep. Eat well. Feel all the elated/sad/confused feelings that come up along the way, and recognize them as normal and okay. It’s okay for this journey to be messy. No one is asking for it to be pretty. It just needs to get done.

paths diverge
Your decision is a journey and eventually you’ll get to the point where the path splits and you’ve got to make a decision. Pack up everything you need for the hike to get there.

Ask for advice from friends/colleagues/loved ones.

You don’t have to take their advice, but chances are good they will give you empathy and love and support, which is exactly what you need to make big decisions.

Bonus: They might point out something you didn’t think of. For example, if you do leave your job and go get expanded experience elsewhere, a friend can point out that job could want you back later for a higher salary/position. Did you think of that?

grumpy
i made a meme contribution! so exciting!

Then consider putting a timeframe on making the decision.

If it’s a decision without a timeline attached, ask yourself how long it would feel okay to live in the limbo where you are now. Give yourself time to make a well-considered decision, but not so much time that you wallow and spin.

deadline
Find yourself an amazing alarm clock if need be. This one I found (ok, it’s a clock tower, not an alarm) is in Chiang Rai, Thailand.

Finally, play out the two options in your mind.

See if you can live with each option for a full day, as if you have already chosen one path. How do each of the decisions feel in your body when you hold onto them, as if you have decided? I can nearly guarantee that one of them will cause you to stand up straighter and feel a little lighter. That’s a pretty darn good indication of a path forward that you will feel good about later, even if it’s hard.

And if all else fails, play this song over and over, singing with a fake mic, until you come to a decision via confidence or going crazy. Definitely do the fist pump thing:

Once you’ve made your decision (with or without Kelly Clarkson’s help), you will probably feel all bubbly and relieved—a huge weight has rolled off your shoulders and you can skip down the streets once more.

At this point:

  • Be graceful, especially if your decision means moving away or leaving someone behind. Be your absolute best self every day during this transition. Don’t say a single hurtful word.
  • Accept the negative consequences of the decision you made. A whole other future was likely lost. It’s okay to be sad about this. Be sad. Feel the feelings.
  • Own your decision. You made it, no one else. Now give what you chose all you’ve got.

Recently, I’ve made a lot of big decisions (over months and definitely with tears and wine): job life, love life, and location life. None have been easy but I got through the messy path and arrived at decisions. So here I am, back in the States, with a great job, and starting over in the other department.

I made it. You can, too.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken, 1920

Reflection without absorption and letting go with love and tenderness

Somehow, I made it. It’s Week Zero. I step on that plane tomorrow.

I might cry with relief.

December crawled by at a turtle’s pace. I went through my what-should-I-do loop about 20 times a day. I stressed about what I was doing, about what I wasn’t doing, about what I was sure I was forgetting to do.

stress ball
i was basically a living stress ball in december.

So I desperately need Chile. I need to feel the sun on my skin and breathe sweet, clean non-big-city air, and see bright stars that make me go “wow.”

I’m hoping by Day 3 that the stress loops finally loosen, unravel, and just drop off the back of my bicycle on some mountain trail.

In my one earnest attempt at de-stressing this week, I headed to a year-end Yoga Nidra class last night (yes, I know it’s very Portland-y, and no, I don’t care! It’s heavenly and please try it!).

At the start of the candlelit practice, the instructor gave us all a few moments to reflect on 2015.

Reflect: /rəˈflekt/:

1) (Of a surface or body) throw back (heat, light, or sound) without absorbing it.

2) Think deeply or carefully about.

The lovely thing about definition No. 1 is the space it provides. It’s an examination at a distance, not a re-engagement with either best or worst moments. Just watching and noticing — without letting any of those moments bowl you over like they did the first time around, hence making it onto your year’s best and worst list.

Next, the yoga instructor encouraged us to imagine what we would leave behind in 2015, and this thought bloomed within me.

It’s not the usual “what’s your new year’s resolution” with all the baggage and expectation, but a soft, kind question to yourself:

What few things would you like to place on a little wooden sailboat on the edge of a lake, and gently push off into the sunset?

Put these items on the boat, and say goodbye with all the tenderness the moments deserve.

Now you can move on to 2016, a little bit lighter, with space for something new.

create space
imagine freeing up all this space inside of you. minus the ostrich.

My boat has three hefty pieces, each comprised of many moments from 2015 to which I’m ready to leave behind:

Unhealthy living. I started this year with no life other than work. I didn’t eat healthily. I didn’t exercise. I felt fragile – and I can’t honestly think of a thing I hate feeling more than that.

So, I’m leaving Unhealthy Living forever in 2015. I’m not saying I won’t have slip-ups and live not-so-great once in a while, but not consistently, not as a way of life again.

unhealthy jabba
i was basically as unhealthy as jabba but with none of the sidekicks to keep my company in the first half of 2015.

Silence. I can count too many times from earlier this year when I wanted to say something, but didn’t in a sticky situation. I thought I wasn’t the expert, or I was younger than everyone, or I was the only woman in the room, or I would be judged. All fear-based, mostly gender-taught.

But when I decided that I was willing and ready to leave my job for something different, a wonderful thing happened — I was suddenly free! I could say whatever I felt, whenever it felt right (in a respectful way, of course)! And I did!

All those fears didn’t matter anymore – I wouldn’t be working with these colleagues in a few months, I had nothing to lose. So why not call out a colleague who is saying inappropriate things?

it was kinda like the monty pyton god said to me: i’m giving you a task to keep you busy. your purpose is to go forth and say stuff.

This opening within myself kept getting better and better. I realized no one judged me, and in fact, they wanted me to say what I wanted to say (well, sometimes). By the end of the year, colleagues even said this is what they admired about me – that I spoke up and challenged people when needed, respectfully and with persistence.

So I am leaving Silence in Sticky Situations forever in 2015. You do not serve me, you serve only Fear, and that is not who I am.

Perfection. Mostly, I just can’t strive for this anymore. My nearly life-long obsession with perfection – I was a newspaper copy editor, for goodness sakes, which is just about a perfectionist’s dream job to look for tiny errors and get paid for it – has just become too exhausting. Like a box I created for myself, but I’ve grown and the box hasn’t.

I’m done.

Perfect IS the enemy of the done. And sometimes, I just want to be done.

So, I’m leaving Perfection forever in 2015. You served me well many times. I bid you a fond farewell, and best of luck in finding a new copy editor in 2016.

perfection in book form
i literally slept with this under my pillow in college. seriously.

Now with all of this beautiful space, this empty shore and wide-open lake, I am welcoming a few things with open arms. In fact, it’s more like I’m running at them in a crazy happy tackle:

Saying YES. Research shows we regret what we DON’T do much more than anything we do try. So I’m saying YES every chance I get.

Finding balance. I’m changing my life to put work on equal footing with relationships and the other things that nourish me. One of which is…

Creating things. Starting to write again, here on this site, has been one of my many great joys of 2015. Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Big Magic that there are little jewels of creativity in all of us, just waiting to be found. It doesn’t matter if absolutely no one likes or reads what you create. You create something because you can’t not create – and that’s what writing is for me. It’s who I am. I love the electricity it lights inside my skin, the warmth it sends from my toes to my fingertips.

create
what lights a brilliant explosion of creation in you?

What are you gently leaving in 2015 and welcoming at a run in 2016?